Didn't anyone ever tell you how to disappear quitely in a room?

Yesterday I went to Postino, a wine cafe in the heart of Arcadia, which is Phoenix's answer to the prayers of millions of hipster-type European wannabes. I totally love the place and took my out-of-town friend because I wanted to seem cool. What I know of the adventure is that I drank too many glasses to count, had to get a ride home and fell asleep on the couch. What I don't know of the evening is boundless and scary. However two facts catch me by surprise. The first is the dollar amount my debit card is registering for the Postino's tab. The second is that my car is now sporting an "American by Birth. Gunowner by Choice." bumper sticker, which I may have gotten from my friend's dad, who is a rabid NRA member, who may have given me the sticker, and I may have placed it on the car thinking it was hilariously funny.