Man What Are You Doing Here

Tempe is overflowing with photoradar traffic control. They're on every street corner. They're on the straightaways between lights. They're even on the freeways now. 

I hate their invincibility. I've heard that they only track one of the lanes, and never the leftmost lane; I've heard they flash you at speed limit plus 5 and some insist it's at plus 7. I've heard that you can ignore the tickets in the mail until you get physically served with a ticket; I've heard that the one at Scottsdale Road and Thomas doesn't have official notice 45 feet from the camera so the ticket is officially illegal. Thinking about all these things and monitoring the sides of the street for the camera-vans makes it easier and more efficient to just drive the speed limit. That's what I hate most.

I had to take a cab last weekend to pick up my car, which I'd abandoned after a night of drinking. The cabbie smoked and sang along to Billie Joel as he drove along and before long we encountered a photoradar van. "Wave to the cops," he shouted back at me above the music. "Motherfuckers can suck my cock," he said, then powered down the windows and saluted them the birdie. I did the same.

He got a really big tip.