People it's called customer service

If I want to spend time with my sister, I offer her some morsel of food. It motivates her to put on a brave face and get out of bed for the day. Last week I called and asked her to grab an iced tea with me. "Ice cream?" she said, weighing it against a re-run of Tyra. "Iced TEA," I said. She paused a moment and finally said "Iced tea?" and then hung up.

I'd been doing a lot of research online in preparation for today's birthday. I'd waited a whole year for it and wanted to be prepared. I decided the theme for this year should be "recession" when I read online that you can get a lot of free stuff on your birthday. Supposedly Taco Bell will give you a free meal. The woman at the Taco Bell that we visited insisted that I was mistaken and thinking of Denny's but offered me a free nachos. I took it. I give a shout-out to Schlotzky's, Wendy's, and Arby's, because not only did they give me free meals to pass on to my sister, they refused to check my ID. I'm from the hood and consider any refusal to check credentials the ultimate sign of trust.

A major stick goes to the following: Taco Bell, for telling me that I was thinking of Denny's (how could someone mistake these two???). Sonic, for demanding to see a paper coupon even though explained that I'd recently joined the fan club online and received an emailed Free Slushy coupon but couldn't print it out because my printer ran out of ink. "I didn't receive a list with your name on it," he said. Does he think that every Sonic receives a list of everybody in the nation who has been sent a birthday coupon so that he can check my name off the list when I show up? Is this like getting into a posh nightclub? Finally, Starbucks. I rolled up and asked if it's true that you get a free coffee on your birthday and was told that I have to be a "Starbucks Gold Card" member. I asked if this was a special credit card or courtesy card. She said no. But I could buy one for $25!!

When I dropped off my sister at home she sported a super-large Wendy's Coke, a bag of Arby's, a rainbow sherbert, and a really big ketchup stain right on her boob. Good times.