It's because I just ate a popsicle!

Since the Dow dropped below 7,000, I have been in a sick-like funk requiring bedrest, Progresso chicken rotini soup, popsicles, and bad movies that sound like they're good, like Looking for Comedy in the Muslim World. There is no cure for my illness except ibuprofen and constant masturbation. 

I have been in this funk since Friday. The only impediment to its successful taking over of my life was when BF took a temperature reading. 

And to that I say, NINETY-EIGHT POINT NINE MY ASS. My head hurts.