3.03.2010

From the archives

Back in high school Pointer and I were in most of the same classes, even in the same nerdy program that provided us with laptops and isolation from normal students. In one of these classes we read Frederick Douglass' autobiography. Pointer and I made the executive decision that Frederick Douglass was a babe and also awesome. We printed pictures of his face and pasted them on our laptops with big hearts around them. We were cool.

That year my family and I flew to NY the Thanksgiving (just after 9/11) to spend the holiday with my aunt. I brought my laptop, which had to be inspected because of new regulations. I pulled it out of my bag, and the inspector looked at this huge heart around Frederick Douglass basking in his heart-surrounded glory on the top.

Inspector: ...who's that?
Little Dodo: That's Frederick Douglass.
Inspector: Who is Frederick Douglass?
Little Dodo: !!!! Only one of the most important people who ever fought for the equal rights of all men and women in the 19th century!
Inspector: ....ok uh. Go on through.


Dodo's mom: What the hell was that??
Little Dodo: Oh, that guy didn't know who Frederick Douglass was.
Dodo's mom: ...you just got hassled.


Pretty sure that was the picture I used...still a babe

2.26.2010

Overheard at Calarts

Girl sporting what appears to be an inverted bleached mullet (big long party on the top, buzzed everywhere else) gently explains to her friend: "VAGINA ANGRY"

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In an undergraduate lecture, the professor asks if anyone saw the more recent "Crash" movie. A student raises her hand.

Prof: So what'd you think?
Student: Well I saw it, and was like, 'yeah'.....
Prof: ... Well that was pithy!

2.19.2010

One of the many

One example of why not to have me act as your buddy in the wings when you're going out with a group including a girl you like:

Friend talking to said girl: Well, once, when I was working at this Italian restaurant --
Dodo Bird: You mean Olive Garden??

007 in the 90026

Ok I know. He's not the J Bond, or even close. I think if Pierce Brosnan were any more wooden as James Bond then...something that only happens to wood would immediately take place.

Anywho, my sister sent me a link of a recent GQ shoot involving Pierce in one of her many attempts to make me think that the celebrity/entertainment news blog Oh No They Didn't! is a legitimate use of her time. The reason this was actually pretty cool is because it isn't shot at a mansion, or Brentwood, or Malibu, but in my little home (where my heart is): Silverlake..and a touch of Echo Park:

Where I've gotten many a-haircut (Rudy's Barbershop):


My hands-down favorite coffee place, the tealed exterior of Casbah Cafe lurking in the background:


And check out Pierce munchin' on a taco at Burrito King (the final stop on many beer-filled evenings...looks like he's enjoying a couple himself there):

Funny how seeing places you frequent in movies/famous pictures never seems to get old...

HOLLYWOODLAND...?

There has recently been a big to-do over the Hollywood sign. You know, the iconic thing everyone wants a picture in front of when they come to this godforsaken place? Well apparently some people want to build a bunch of homes on that pretty hilltop. Howard Hughes bought the land almost 100 years ago and planned to build a home for Ginger Rogers there (who rightly figured he wanted to keep her isolated as hell and she ditched the weirdo). Hughes recently sold it to some rich Chi-town company who plan to build luxury homes on the tract. Understandable, considering the view and all. If so, it is quite likely they would take down the giant letters, or simply build around them, ruining Los Angeles postcards and tourist stuffs forever.

Anyway, everyone's freakin out. Obviously. Despite there being motion sensor-activated police alarms for those who hop over the fence to get to the sign, people hoping to protect it finagled this achievement:


Everyone is shaking down everyone else for money and are trying to raise $12.5 million to buy the land from the current owners. Apparently they're half way there and need about $6 mill by April. Two months to go and people are shakin in their boots.

What will be thy future Hollywood? Tune in next season to see the final chapter of the drama.

2.14.2010

Valentine's Day Postin'

I know a lot of women who have problems pooping in bathrooms other than their own home -- they just don't feel comfortable enough. Their reasoning often includes horror stories of a boyfriend figuring out they pooped and making fun, or stopping up the toilet. I'm pretty sure it was addressed on an episode of "Sex & the City," so it is therefore moderately universal. Me, if I have to go, I just go. Restaurant, friend's place, doesn't matter. I'm animal first, socialite second I guess.

When my boyfriend thinks I've been in the bathroom for too long, he calls me Mary Poopins for about an hour and we move on. Above average maturity level.

On that note: Happy Valentine's Day!

2.08.2010

Disambiguation

Last week I realized that I'm officially out of The Loop. In a class, someone made a reference to T-Pain, (as in the rapper, for those of you who are otherwise ignorant like myself). People were throwing this guy's name around without any real context. I decided to jump in on the convo. It went down like this:

Everyone: Blah blah T-Pain blah T-Pain blah
Dodo: T Paine? Are you guys talking about Thomas Paine??
Everyone: ..........

At least Wikipedia knows what I'm talking about.

Slacking Samantha

2.02.2010

Muddy Waters

So it rained n' stuff, and that finally passed (until it rains again on Friday). The LA River swelled like crazy with a week of rain. So you can see, thanks to Atwater Village Newbie:


A picture I took the morning after the rains stopped, including tall bamboo that migrated down the river and got stuck along these supports:


It's weird to see it NOT a little dribble in the riverbed, I must say. People manage to fish in it no matter what though...

1.27.2010

Watchout

Like a Big Pizza Pie

I decide to take a shower. I head to the bathroom, take a pee, and start to cut my nails. I always do this in the toilet to avoid clogging issues, so I choose to be environmental to boot and not flush. My pants are down, because why pull them up before getting in the damn shower? A knock.

BF: Hey, I gotta pee.
Dodo: Oh uh...[door opening] well, I was about to cut my nails uh..you can just..use the toilet..even though there's...
pee in it.
BF: Oh my God. This is the moment I have been waiting for. [kneeling] Will you do me the honor of being my wife?
Dodo: Oh, shut up [Shuffles into the kitchen, pants at ankles, chuckling. Begins to clip nails into disposal]
BF: [Laughing, peeing, and lecturing generally about clipping nails into the toilet] No way you'll be able to put this in the blog!

1.23.2010

Balmy Night

It rained for a week solid here in LA. Of course, as I've mentioned before, no one can handle rain here. Apparently not even my cat. When the thunder and lightening started up, she needed to take refuge under the comforter.





Today the clouds finally parted, and it was one of the most beautiful days I had seen in a long time. My first Saturday of freedom in months (as I worked Saturdays at the pizza place) I went to the farmer's market and caught up with the orchid lady, bought some hummus and tulips. Sigh, God bless weekends.

1.22.2010

Napoleon Solo

I was out to dinner with some former coworkers. For dessert, my lovely southern gay buddy ordered baked apples with pepper caramel and cream -- the intrigue being the pepper caramel. I tried a bite, and, couldn't help myself:

Dodo: Lordy! That tastes like...butt!
Ex-coworker: Honey, if I found a butt that tasted like that, let me tell you, I would put a ring on it!

Raptorz

1.19.2010

Honey in Your Hips

Well, it's over. Finally. Over the period of what would have been slightly prematurely birthed pregnancy, I worked at a pizza place. Highlights of my last week on the job:
  1. Having 10 kids come in whose balls hadn't even dropped yet and all had credit cards and didn't tip.
  2. Walking into the kitchen and to see a large lamb carcass, which the cooks continued to butcher for about 5 hours.
  3. Hearing two prim ladies discuss the difference between Charles Barkley and Gnarles Barkley.
8 months of interacting with the spoiled, the schizophrenic, and the cool -- pizza being the thing that brings us all together -- is over. Now school starts, and I'm taking about double the courseload and teaching a bunch of kids all by myself how to write and shit. God help me (and them).

1.15.2010

BLAWKbuster

Seeing as I have Netflix, I never go to Blockbuster anymore. I was hanging out with one of my friends this past weekend, however, and we dropped by to pick up a movie or two. There were some things I just had to take pictures of.

Exhibit A:
Could we get a little more depressing? "Let's all play Monopoly in our Snuggie while watching 'Twilight' and leaning on a 'Twilight' pillow!!" I really hope west-side ladies have more going on than this on a Saturday night.

Exhibit B:
These cost about $4. Notice the words on the hearts -- my sister and I were big fans of "DAZZLE."

Exhibit C:
Nor sure if the producers of "Big Stan" figured it would be on the shelf right next to "Blood and Bone."

1.13.2010

Daddy Warbucks Over Here...

Unless you live in a box or not in Los Angeles, you probably know about USC's head football coach Pete Carroll resigning and suiting up with the Seattle Seahawks. He's been head football coach for USC for nearly a decade, and has made a huge impact on the quality of the team. He also made $4 million a year, thus garnering the title of highest paid private university employee in the nation. He makes more than the goddamn president!

The reaction to rumors that ol' Petey might be leaving sparked a big wave of concern within the student and alumni body of USC. I discovered a Facebook group called "Don't Leave, Pete," which, you know, ok, be sad about the possibility and be a little group or whatever. Then I discovered a Candlelight Vigil for Pete event tied to this group. Apparently a student had read about a similar situation at Duke University, where a coach was recruited to coach the pros and some students held a candlelight vigil and the guy stayed. 1300 people claimed they would show at the event.

I think maybe they didn't realize that while USC paid Pete Carroll $4 million a year (and had clearly reached their maximum of four times more than President Sample's salary), the Seahawks were offering him $7 million a year to coach. Seven million dollars. That would give him about, oh I dunno, 3 million reasons not to stay? Sayonara Pete.

1.06.2010

CalFarts

Attending a small arts institute has been a strange experience to me if only because my other non-public educational experience was the juggernaut of USC. Having worked in many different places at USC, I can tell you it is often more a business than a place of learning. So much red tape, hoops to jump through, tons of BS. Fighting the system there is one of the most frustrating experiences I have had in my adult life. Then at CalArts I'll see nudies walking around and no one bats an eyelash. Some small things that are telling to me about CalArts:
  1. There are those little take a penny/leave a penny trays in the cafeteria at CalArts. These trays are consistently overflowing with not just pennies, but also nickels and dimes.
  2. The President's Luncheon at the beginning of the year was advertised as "clothing optional."
  3. I'll see posters of Disney (CalArts' founder) and someone will have drawn a big arrow with the word "NAZI" next to it. It stays up all semester.
  4. The graffiti in the little girls' room:



The cynical side of me wants to scoff at this silly little place in the middle of nowhere...but then I realize that I can pay for most of my lunch from the penny tray.

1.03.2010

A Case of You

My little sister and I went over to the house of my mother's colleague this afternoon. He has traveled quite a bit, and we were talking about Europe (the differences in educational demands, what little kids are taught there, etc).

He had lived in Sweden for a period of time in a university town -- a large percentage of the population were professional educators or those on their way. One morning, on the way into his flat, there was what he nicely called a "bag lady" standing in front of his door. He continued to walk toward her and she suddenly turned on him and said something in Swedish. He responded with "I'm sorry, I don't understand" and she immediately retorted, "It doesn't matter" and ambled on.

It was telling moment for Europe in general, where the majority speak at least two languages. The fact a nutso vagrant wandering around was able to turn on a dime and switch languages so easily left an impression on him. "Considering the town, maybe she just never finished her doctorate and became the village nut, who knows!"

1.02.2010

12.30.2009

Open up your throat

Yesterday my mom, two sisters and I drove 40 minutes out to go see a movie to a place called the Hollywood Theatre. When we got there we were shocked to find that tickets are normally $1.75, but because we went on Discount Tuesday, we all got in for $5. Four people, for five dollars. I think their name is a serious form of misrepresentation -- nowhere in Hollywood can you get into any film for anything close to that cheap (except for perhaps a midnight movie somewhere).

It's been snowing for three days straight, and last night there were four huge does nibbling grass in the front yard late in the night. It's nice to get away from the world of celeb bump-ins and sunshine for a little while.

12.26.2009

Munchies

Catharsis Through Christ!

My father's side of the family is mostly nuts (and subsequently estranged from us). A woman who married into the family is one of the worst of the bunch -- she is an overbearingly devout Christian. This is not to say that Christians are bad, or devoted Christians are bad (for the most part), but she clearly uses God as a tool to promote others' focus on her or to write off the concerted efforts of others as simply "God's will."

An example of this would be her logorrheic blog that our family discovered. The blog is the way we are able to see how the few sane people in that large family are doing, but news about them is few and far between, as she mostly talks about Jesus and posts pictures of herself. A highlight:

[Those glasses are definitely filled with real wine, btdubbs].

So strange to think I'm technically related to this woman. After browsing through the blog for about an hour with my mom, I tell my her that I want to stop -- all this crap is upsetting me. "It's cathartic!" she said. And I suppose she's right; what else is Christmas about than crazy family and dwelling on the unalterable relation?

Merry Ex-Mass.

12.24.2009

Christmas Cheer

We finally got some decent snow here. One of many reasons I'm currently enjoying my winter vacation (including but not limited to: sitting on my butt, making a snowman, scrabble, walking-eating-napping-eating more). Another being with my mother. Enjoy this little gem.

My little sister was bellyaching about this crappy class she took last semester and the fact she got a B+ (you read right). My mother on this fact:

Momma: I know baby, I know. But that's how school is -- sometimes you enroll in a class and you think it's going to be one thing, and then you get there and it's taught by an old guy with a ponytail.

12.22.2009

Slip of the tongue I swear!

So my boyfriend and I have arrived at my wonderfully heated home safe and sound -- luckily before all this crazy hullabaloo of a blizzard. Sadly, we didn't get any effing snow up here, it's just cold.

In any event Holiday Party '09 happened at my house on Sunday. My boyfriend was trying to decide what to wear:

Dodo: Honey, your sweater is on inside out.
BF: Honey?? Ok WEIRDO.

RIP Celeb O-+ or O->

As you all probably know, Brittany Murphy passed away this weekend. This definitely seems to be a sad loss -- Murphy was apparently a sweet lady and death at such an age is enough to make many of us tremble. People said some very nice things about her upon hearing of her death. "I always felt connected to her as we shared a very special experience in our lives together. I feel love in my heart for her - and hope she is at peace" and "She was our daughter, our wife, our love and a shining star."

Many quotations are used in articles on celebrity deaths, and I believe they are sincere. The thing that annoys me is that, for some reason, BBC News and others continually cite Ashton Kutcher's Twitter during celebrity deaths. Granted, he wrote a very nice <140 line when Murphy died, but at the same time...having a "2" in there when talking about someone's death is a little strange to me.

When Patrick Swayze died, the kind words were truly heartfelt: "Patrick was a rare and beautiful combination of raw masculinity and amazing grace. Gorgeous and strong, he was a real cowboy with a tender heart" and "Patrick you are loved by so many and your light will forever shine in all of our lives." Beneath all of these, BBC decided it as a good idea to quote Kutcher's Twitter, which read "RIP P Swayze." Can't you even spell out the guy's entire name?? What moron decided this lame-ass line belonged with the sweet aforementioned thoughts on a man's parting from this world?

Maybe they wised up, because I couldn't find the article anywhere.

12.16.2009

More Gold!

The street Pico Boulevard one of the most interesting in the city. It starts at the beach in Santa Monica and runs all the way to the southern section of downtown Los Angeles. It rides alongside cemeteries, parks, hoity toity golf courses. It begins with in an area of opulence, and ends in Skid Row. Most interestingly of all, it hits probably the largest variety of the ethnic clusters of the city (going west to east): Persian, white, Jewish Orthodox, African American, Ethiopian, Korean, Guatemalan, El Salvadorian, Oaxacan, and many other Hispanic groups.

Magically, amazingly, Jonathan Gold (the first food critic to ever win the Pulitzer) decided to spend a year eating at every single restaurant on Pico Boulevard. I cannot imagine taking on such a task, but he went through to the end. Gold is a huge advocate for great traditional food that comes from those with little money. He is known for finding the abandoned hidden-gem Thai place and making it a huge success. He describes the health inspection rating system for Chinese food as: "'A' stands for American Chinese, 'B' stands Better Chinese, and 'C' is Chinese food for Chinese." He's a god to the Los Angeles food world, with hard core fans that go here he goes and eat the same insane/spicy/strange dishes that Gold orders. By giving a glowing review of a struggling place, he can save it from closing down.

Gold's objective while eating on Pico was to go to every restaurant eat the most traditional/famous thing on the menu. This led to some usual and not-so-usual suspects of shenanigans. He wrote a short article about his experience in the LA Weekly, but there was also an excellent segment on it in a This American Life episode. It’s the last act and starts about 40 minutes in. Highly recommend giving it a listen.

12.13.2009

Cultural Foodery

I read a great article about Jonathan Gold (excellent and prominent LA food critic) this week. I have actually written an entire post about Gold, but just haven't put it up yet. I have to quote this article because it captures something of Los Angeles that is hard to explain, and it does so quite well, I think:

[Jonathan Gold] sees Los Angeles as the "anti-melting pot" -- the home of true, undiluted regional cookery -- but also has a fondness for what he calls the "triple carom": the Cajun seafood restaurant that caters to Chinese customers and is run by Vietnamese from Texas.

Another moment:

[Gold says,] "The noodles [this place] serves are a specialty of Lanzhou, which is known for being one of the most polluted cities in China -- and for its hand-pulled noodles." Inside, Gold sat down and ordered a couple of bowlfuls...The kitchen was visible from the dining area. "Note the Mexican guy rolling out the dough and tossing the noodles," he said, tucking into his soup. "I don't know why, but that always makes me extremely happy."

12.10.2009

The great space-heater famine of '09


Let me explain something about winter in LA. Yes, it doesn't snow, yes the sun is often out, but it is fucking glacial up in hrr. Cold as a witch's teat, as my older sister would say. I have experienced lake effect snow and an upstate-New York winter -- that is, without a doubt, brutal. Yet I can say with conviction that LA winters are worse.

The big difference between an LA winter and a winter anywhere else with real seasons is this: other places actually have decent insulation in their buildings and heat. My apartment is consistently 5-10 degrees colder than it is outside. If it's 45 degrees, I need about three space heaters in close proximity of my person. We only have one, and the fucking cat sits in front of it like the hog-butt she is.

This inadequacy of building/preparedness is akin to the phenomenon of going somewhere like the east coast for the summer and it being hot as all getout and no one having air-conditioning. It is hell.

At this point I just sleep with a heating pad -- the poor man's electric blanket -- and wimper whenever I sit on the icy toilet seat. You can understand why I'm excited as all hell to go to my upstate-NY home next week for more than half a month. Central heating, hear I come!

12.07.2009

Maybe you should plug it with a beer

I actually had to edit the name out of my last post about a celebrity because I was getting creepy-ass comments asking me where he was, what car he drove, asking if he was alone.

I didn't understand this at first. Why were all these girls so interested in this guy who had graphic gay sex for five years on Showtime? Maybe I'm just not of that ilk (not a hit to gays, I'm just not aroused by images of gay sex). Then I read online that he was on "Desperate Housewives."

Ladies, kill your TVs. For all our sakes. The celebrities clearly live on Mount Olympus for a reason.

12.06.2009

Strange as Peeps

I told this guy that he was parking on the street cleaning side of the street the other day. He thanked me, and also ended up being in the same cafe as me, and thanked me again on the way to his table. Then I realized that he looked like an actor from "Queer as Folk," and creepily/slyly stared at him with my near-sighted eyes for about two hours trying to decide if it was, in fact, him. He finally left and the cashier girl confirmed it:


I would say he's dreamy in real life, but really all I could think of was images of him doing guys in the butt...so super dooper dreamy really says it best.

12.01.2009

Got the skrillz

Ok so, when I was laid off from my cush job in May I was bummed...to say the least. For those of you who have not experienced the lay off/fire, it's like getting broken up with. No joke (this was my second lay off). For months I lamented, why couldn't they just wait until September when I started my master's degree??

I filled out my unemployment stuff, and got it throughout the summer despite my job -- because I get paid that little. After three months of snafus, I am now continuing to get unemployment (back-checks, here I come) even though I'm a student. I figured this would all end come May: the anniversary of the lay-off. BUT, I was talking to my friend last night and, apparently based on recent developments with the guv'ment, unemployment awards will likely be extended up to 99 weeks for a majority of those receiving awards.

It has taken me six months to realize this, but getting laid off is enabling me to survive and not take out loans for personal expenses. It's funding my graduate school livelihood. All thanks to my shitty HR department! Talk about a big-ass silver lining...

11.29.2009

Lend a hand

I'm not entirely sure what's going on here...I feel like the Gap is trying to rip off Anne Geddes, and failing miserably.

11.27.2009

Are you also frightened?

I'm thinking maybe if I spell this out for as many people as possible it will help my fellow under-tipped servers out there. Here are the facts:

> Yes, those of us who work these counter places instead of acting as wait staff get paid higher wages than waiters. About a dollar more an hour. BUT, we have to do a lot more stuff, like take out the trash and clean and crap. Basically, we're waiters and busboys put together.
> This is not to say we should get more than average gratuity, but for Godsakes, please give us something. I'd say 75% of people give us nare a cent when I give excellent service. I know, I know. You're broke. So am I. You're going out to eat, you're enjoying a luxury. You can luxuriate a little more by rounding up to the nearest dollar or even 50 cents! Give your spare change. Something! Jesus.

That said, I was one of three first year students in my program to be awarded the opportunity to TA next semester. The TAship requires 8 hours of work a week, and pays just a little less than my 35 hour a week pizza place job. I will be putting in my two weeks in January.

But my greenbean casserole rocked

Things that were discussed by my friend's friend at Thanksgiving dinner:

1. How when she was in college in the '70s a woman came into a sex class and demonstrated how to do a pap-smear on yourself...buck naked.
2. How nice my friend (Terminatrix) is because T was cool with the fact that she had sex in T's bed while she was on her period.

Both of these stories took about 5-10 minutes of describing. I'm hoping her family will stay in LA next Thanksgiving.

11.25.2009

CSU-SUX


Why is this wizard attacking an apparent recent CSU-SB graduate? "Come here, go anywhere" ...or just to hell after I finish choking the life out of you.

Oh, happy Thanksgiving.

11.19.2009

It Means "Kid"

One of the perks of LA is brushes with famouses, I guess. Mostly if it is actual good interaction versus creepy watching from far away. Last night I accidentally took part in some of the latter.

My friend switched our bar meet up location last minute. When I arrived she explained that she had heard that one of the wives from "Big Love" was having a birthday gathering there. This one:


This was a tiny hole in the wall place with delicious $2 potato tacos and $3 Tecate cans w/lime wedge. There were maybe ten of this woman's party around the bar. I have no idea how the hell my friend knew about her intimate birthday thing. All I know is I felt like a turd in my pizzeria outfit of ripped jeans, sweater and grubby shoes while all these chicks were wearing pillbox hats and pumps.

Also I saw this guy today:

11.16.2009

Vonnegutian.

Where am I? Right here. Where are you? 

Why am I not writing? Child, when God signed up for my data plan he only bought the $30/month one. It is very slow and doesn't work in the trains, not even when we pass through Atlantic Avenue. 

I only have enough storage and processing capability to do one thing at a time. Right now, I am reading. Everything. High brow, low brow, middle brow. I cannot write worth a god damn. 

So I'm not! 

11.12.2009

The Economist

Anyone else think this is ironically the perfect metaphor for United States foreign policy? Anyone? No? Okay. It's just me then...

11.09.2009

What does it mean?

The tick-tock of the eyebrow of the Barnard girl when I'd said I was interested in dating men reminded me of the cock of a quilled feather pen.